Nonsense Thinking

She is absconding after taking away my one night’s sleep. I can hardly remember her face; it was pretty dark inside the room. She was anonymous. I could not ask for her identity, she did not carry one. She bared it all while she entered my bed room. Before I could understand anything, she got underneath my blanket. In no time she injected her poisonous love bite into my veins. After three days, today I have been detected of malaria. (Note: Guys, don’t worry, I am all right, this is completely made up)

Somehow he had come to know about her name. May be from a post misdelivered. He searched her in orkut , nope, not there! Facebook , alas , not again! In her company community, no ..no.. nobody could find details till her cell number :( In google with all strange searches..'blue eyes','sharp nose','bangalore beauty','XXX Software Services'...disappointment! He just wants to say ‘Hi’. She stays next door, With her angry fat big brother, Who hates him more than the wild doberman of the owner. So close , yet so far!

I need another astrologer to confirm. Actually I want to consult something about the future of my doggie and am damn tensed and serious about this. He has always been bashful, particularly in front of ‘lovely’, the bitch next door. He is a Piscean, hence I considered it to be pretty normal. But now I suspect otherwise. Last friday I happened to meet one expert of the field with fifteen years experience. He has recently joined a software company as “Manager-Attrition control” .He looks into the employee’s kundli and provides the HR guys a statistical probability report of his desire and possibility of leaving the organization. I showed him mine. He says that my dog must be gay!

She was calling on his mobile , "I am Preeti Kaur from ICIC bank. Sir, do u have a problem accessing the account?" Bholu Subramanian was stoned by the voice , sweeter than the rasgullas that Subu Chatterjee had brought from Kolkata ... Bholu forgot all laguages...hypnotised!!! Replied in Tamil... "may be no" Kaur madam understood...Dil ki bhasha,dil se samjhee jaatee hain.

Two guys , around 26 , drunk but smiling and jumping came out of the pub shouting ( not singing ) the Puddle Of Mudd number at 11 yesterday night. " I tried too hard And she tore my feelings like I had none La la la la She fuckin' hates me " It took me no time to realize that the guys have a lady boss :)

Two things I really don't like about the names of the films. 1.People shorten the names of the films. If they have to be shortened, why the hell were they given the full names? Kuch kuch hota hain : KKHH Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham : KKKG Kal Ho na Ho : KHNH Can you pronounce those abbreviations? What rubbish is this? Nope..Not acceptable at all !!! 2. Nothing is clear from the name , audience is misled. Kuch kuch hota hain: kya hota hain be? Kabhi alvida na kehna: How impractical!!!Jindegi bhar ek dusre ka thopda dekhte raheen kya??? Jane de bhai... Kal ho na ho: To main kya karoon? But I won’t allow this to happen to my next film.I won’t allow anyone to abbreviate the name.And the name will be self explanatory , it won’t mislead the audience. So I have decided the name of the film. It is: “ After lots of calculation and deep realization now I have come to the conclusion that the Indian matriculation examination is nothing but a botheration for the Indian nation where main occupation...

Kasam khao aaj se roti nahi khaooge! Kasam khao aaj se subeh uthke brush karoge !! Kasam khao aaj se regular fit jeans he pehnoge !!! "Kasam,The commitment" is a movie on transformation of a loser,indisciplined guy (Bholu)to a masterpiece by virtue of the innumerous kasams forced on him by his lover. The movie moves with a fast pace to reach the climax. The girlfriend throws another kasam onto him..."Aaj amavasya hain, aaj tum jhooth nahi bologe..tumhe meri kasam..” Matter of coincidence, the same day Bholu gets call for the HR round of interview in a company where he had cleared the technical rounds the previous week. Bholu reaches the office building; camera follows him to the meeting room...focuses on the HR sitting on the other side of the table examining his resume. HR: Welcome Bholu! Please take your seat. Bholu: Thank you maam! HR: btw, I am Sheetal , assistant manager HR in the organization. Can you please start with something that you have not written in y...

His mother asked my handsome guitarist friend, "What is your orkut id beta?" His orkut account got deleted within 1 hour.

When I pointed out the spelling error to the smartest auto-driver, he prompty replied, “No spelling error boss , my sweet heart is deprecated. Aajkaal asli pyar milta he kahaan hain ?" Pal bhar ke liye koi pyaar kar le,jhootha he sahi ;) [ photo courtesy : Yassar Bhaijaan's mobile ]

That fat guy almost fainted. Poor Raghu disappeared from the college for three days to avoid further humiliation. And me ? Don’t ask yaar. It is still a nightmare...I disappeared at the speed of the sound when I could see the Archies product in her hand. Thank God, I had a powerful pair of eyes. Aare....dil todne ka bhi to koi tareeka hona chahiye!!! I strongly condemn this inhuman torture exercised by the fairer sex . A very happy Raksha bandhan to all the AUTHENTIC bhaaiyas and behenas ;)

Last Monday on Bhabiji’s b’day ,when I visited my "for two years happily married" bhaiiya , I found him listening to a Don William's track sitting on the sofa , stretching his legs onto the table , eyes closed and holding a smile in his lips. "Where is Bhabi ? " – I asked " He He ...the song is the story mere bhai .... This is the third time ...he he "Bhaiya found it pretty amusing. The story goes like this : 5 pm: ( Bhabiji) She packed up her suitcase and walked to the door She said she won't come like she's done before 5.30 pm ( Bhaiiya) I bet she's in Dallas (take it as Whitefield) before it gets dark I know she's thinking she's breaking my heart She knows I love her so she thinks I'll crawl But she never knew me, she never knew me, she never knew me at all 7.30 pm ( Bhaiya to me ) She knows I love her, I know I need her God knows to please her, I've tried and I've tried Yesterday night when I called up bhaiya, he wa...

I want to be the greatest inventor ever. I am trying to make an instrument that will read the mind of a lady.

“Why did you chop your hair?” She asked “Because I had that” I replied. She has not spoken after that. She did not like,either the hair-cut or the reason.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been having my dinner in one of my friend's place who stays not more than 200 yards away from my house. The reasons behind this are: a. He is an amazingly good cook (I call him a perfect husband material) b. Does not emphasize on someone assisting him to prepare the dishes. c. His girlfriend has gone home and the father of the lady is a dictating major…hence no disturbance over phone. And d. This guy has a pair of bean bags which I consider 60 percent better than my bed for the support of the back to operate the remote. So, need not to explain that I have to walk back to my home at around 2 o' clock every night. And that is where the problem lies... I think that he is the DALPATI of the entire FAUJ...and even if I can cross a few of the coward one’s barking...this brave fellow will charge at me at the speed of light...until I demonstrate him a typical Jackie Chan stunt and finally end up looking at each other’s eyes from a distance of two f...

As you guys are aware of , love has been my subject of research since the age of three. But it took me a long time to realize this truth about the subject . This new theory states that "Love at first sight is only a subset of other several forms forms of love at first event" - five of them I have experienced in my life. Type1--> Love at first rumor: I fell in love with all the 3 beauties my friends used to tease me with in my school days.... never noticed any one of them before that....my eyes searched for them every moment for next one month after the rumor reached my ears for the first time that the other party is interested ....unluckily though might be the reality was different :-(( Type2--> Love at first chat: Till today I have felt it thrice that I should have better asked for her contact number....a confectionery vocal over telephone ....who happens to be a customer care executive whom I talked to for the very first and last time....wow...how honeyed a voice can...

Many of my friends have a common problem; their parents don’t understand them. The parents don’t try to see a matter from their (my friends’) perspective. They try to use authority and if that does not work...they apply the dangerous weapon of emotional blackmailing. In the process the whole scenario goes from bad to worse. My say is that the entire problem arises due to our ignorance and lack of tact. The solution to this problem is very simple. Expectations arise from previous results. A mother won’t expect her child to bring 95% in the next exams if he failed in the last standard. The same strategy applies. Here are a few examples...after this life becomes smooth and sweet making everybody happy. 1. Find out what kind of a girl your parents dislike most. Now spread a rumor that reaches the ears of your parents that you are deeply in relation with that kind of a girl. After that your parents will be happy with any other girl you marry. 2. Use a friend to let your parents know that yo...

For the last several weeks I have been trying really hard to quit smoking. But today I have realized that even God wants me to continue smoking. Reasons: 1. I prayed to God every morning to get me a girlfriend who would ask me to quit. God has not responded. I feel the message is: “Keep on Smoking”. 2. I promised to God that I would quit it from the next week Shahrukh Khan quits. Shahrukh failed. Again the message is: “It’s not the time to quit”. 3. I asked God to make the Prime Minister of India to see a dream that if he did not ban cigarettes in the country, something bad would happen to him. I think God has not done that yet. 4. To avoid the bed till late night is extremely difficult without cigarettes. So I requested God to do something so that The World Cup Cricket gets postponed (As we did that in our semester exams). God did not show interest. So, the message from God is pretty clear. Bhagwaan...at least pehla wala request to sun lo:-) (Apologize to God for such a bad joke…but I...

Recently, wearing helmets has been made compulsory in Bangalore. Many people really don’t like the idea because they think that it is their right to do whatever they want with their own heads. SUPERB ARGUMENT…But the aspect of the rule that has really disappointed me is something else. I have started to look upon the helmet as an unaesthetic burden and an enemy of love. Explaining….. 1. This ugly round tin has taken away all the charm of a tight -lift-romantic ride. Now you need to have a microphone inside your helmet to talk to your girlfriend sitting behind you. Moreover, the possibility of experiencing the warmth and smoothness of her cheeks (while she tries to listen to your intentionally lowly uttered words) has come down to 0%-The half kilo bucket is in the middle now. 2. Think of the annoying, lazy, dusty, smoky, noisy traffic jams while going to the office. The only way to keep you motivated and to preserve the patience and energy for the works in the office (as per my understa...

Being popular is a lengthy process.Atleast when I go through the advices given in the so called great books, I really think so. They talk about all the boring things like hard work, motivation, bla bla... So here I have come out with five wonderful ideas to be instantly the talk of the town. None of them is lengthy, the only thing that you need is a pocketful of guts. 1.Go morning walk with your pet pig. Hold the pig with an iron chain. Take special care that your pet doesn’t get hurt as you may have to drag it on certain occasions. 2.Go to a cheap designer to modify your pressure cooker to a cycle helmet. Use it excessively while you ride your bicycle. 3.Buy a personal auto rickshaw instead of a car. Decorate it with all the buoyant colors. Dress smartly to drive it. Don’t forget to write distinctly on the back of the auto: “FREE LIFT FOR SINGLE BEAUTIES”. 4.Change your wardrobe to have at least 3 sets of red shirts, yellow ties and green trowsers.Wear those regularly for at least two...

“If you don’t have a girlfriend, arranged marriage can be a real tough bet for you”. The statement is not that simple as you guys are probably thinking. Not having a girlfriend inevitably means that now you have only one alternative: arranged marriage. Now, this really happened to one of my friends couple of months ago. During the interview process of his marriage, my friend most honestly disclosed that he never had a girlfriend which made the entire family of the ‘would be bride’ turn extremely suspicious. The impression was: “This guy is hiding his innumerous affairs”. At the sole interest of the bride, her father hired a private detective (the Mama of the girl who happens to stay in Bangalore) to investigate. But after a month when the detective produced his report, the marriage was immediately cancelled from the bride’s side. The conclusions drawn were: Either my friend had serious shortcomings ( physical or mental) OR ...