Thursday, December 20, 2007

Ghost?



Look at this photograph.Can u see something in the upper left corner of the picture???

It was the diwali night and trust me, no one was there.It was a camera testing.Discovered the abnormal thing much later. The distance to the wall was not more than 10 meters,anything present there could have been seen . No clue found later on.

She fuckin hates me

Two guys , around 26 , drunk but smiling and jumping came out of the pub shouting ( not singing ) the Puddle Of Mudd number at 11 yesterday night.

" I tried too hard
And she tore my feelings like I had none
La la la la
She fuckin' hates me "

It took me no time to realize that the guys have a lady boss :)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Name of my next film

Two things I really don't like about the names of the films.

1.People shorten the names of the films. If they have to be shortened, why the hell were they given the full names?

Kuch kuch hota hain : KKHH

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham : KKKG

Kal Ho na Ho : KHNH

Can you pronounce those abbreviations? What rubbish is this? Nope..Not acceptable at all !!!

2. Nothing is clear from the name , audience is misled.

Kuch kuch hota hain: kya hota hain be?

Kabhi alvida na kehna: How impractical!!!Jindegi bhar ek dusre ka thopda dekhte raheen kya??? Jane de bhai...

Kal ho na ho: To main kya karoon?

But I won’t allow this to happen to my next film.I won’t allow anyone to abbreviate the name.And the name will be self explanatory , it won’t mislead the audience.
So I have decided the name of the film. It is:

“ After lots of calculation and deep realization now I have come to the conclusion that the Indian matriculation examination is nothing but a botheration for the Indian nation where main occupation is cultivation”.

Hope to make it to Cannes next year.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

A movie: “Kasam , The Commitment”

Kasam khao aaj se roti nahi khaooge!
Kasam khao aaj se subeh uthke brush karoge !!
Kasam khao aaj se regular fit jeans he pehnoge !!!

"Kasam,The commitment" is a movie on transformation of a loser,indisciplined guy (Bholu)to a masterpiece by virtue of the innumerous kasams forced on him by his lover.

The movie moves with a fast pace to reach the climax.

The girlfriend throws another kasam onto him..."Aaj amavasya hain, aaj tum jhooth nahi bologe..tumhe meri kasam..”

Matter of coincidence, the same day Bholu gets call for the HR round of interview in a company where he had cleared the technical rounds the previous week.

Bholu reaches the office building; camera follows him to the meeting room...focuses on the HR sitting on the other side of the table examining his resume.

HR: Welcome Bholu! Please take your seat.

Bholu: Thank you maam!

HR: btw, I am Sheetal , assistant manager HR in the organization. Can you please start with something that you have not written in your resume.

Bholu: hmmm ... ( few seconds of silence)...actually though I have been working for last 2years , I am on bench for last 10 months .I am really frustrated of checking emails. I want to work for an organization that will give me work.

HR:( $#% What was that???) Okie.. okie..I can understand . But is that the only reason why you want to shift your job?

Bholu: Well...I think…sorry...I mean to say...when I say work , I also mean money. It is impossible to survive with dignity in Bangalore with the salary I get . My friends think that I am a kanjoos and when I disclosed my salary to my ex-girlfriend she dumped me. I want a respectable life. I have come to know that you pay well.

HR: (@#$$*, pinches herself to confirm reality)...r u ok Mr. Bholu ? Do you need some water?

Bholu: No its ok maam..no..I think I need some...thanks !

(Bholu takes some water from the glass)

HR: Ok...just feel comfortable. Just tell me ...something simple.. where do you see yourself in next five years?

Bholu:(Looks down to the table)...Emmm...honestly...maam...I will be happy to be anything that will enable me to own a 2BHK flat in Bangalore in next five years...roles and responsibilities don't matter much...I mean to say I am quite flexible..

(Camera focuses on the HR...unconsciously stands up from the chair...sits back again...takes a deep breath....anger on her face)

HR: Are you here to joke Mr. Bholu???

Bholu: No no maam…please don’t take me wrong...how can I explain...I am under a kasam....

HR: WWWhattt???
( A longer breath this time)
Ok Mr Bholu, I think that was enough.I have already come to know lot about you,your strengths and the weaknesses.But befor leaving would you please let me know what is your greatest weakness...just for my curosity?

Bholu: (little embarrassed)Girls maam.

BANG!!!! DARK SCREEN!!!
THE END.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Who am I?

My native state Assam is burning. A dozen people were killed day before yesterday .Curfew is not yet relaxed completely.Another bomb blast: 3 killed, 15 Injured. Sachin’s centuries are easier to calculate, not the number of bomb blasts and bandhs in one month in my state. Death of innocents is a staple diet in the front page of the local newspapers. Everybody is blaming the other, public blames administration, administration blames some X association and X blames some Y. You go round and round...reach the same point again. Politics,vote bank , corruption, social divide, insurgency , mainstream....Oh God…how many times the same words , the same stories...
Everyone has his own agenda. No body is responsible, only the other!!! None of us is wrong, only the other one is. We are born to show excuses, we can find justifications to whatever we do ...we can dig out causes stronger than some killings...GREAT!!!!

The politicians, the police, the public, me-everybody has his own agenda. We are here to think of self. Let the state go to hell, who cares!!! Let the people cry and die , who cares until they are not someone I know !Ask me- what am I doing here sitting in Bangalore??? Who am I? What sort of concern am I showing when I write all these? Hey!!! I have some hundred reasons to give you...no job there, can’t change the system, who will ring the bell? , what can I do? ...bla bla bla....hundred reasons to convince only self ...like everbody else...like the politicians, the police ...everybody... I am no different...only another weak selfish person who only knows to concemn, to show excuses !!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Films, Barcamp ,Algorithms,Guitar and Life:

Am back with some more stuff in my bag :)

I always wanted to make a film. The dream came true in the 1.1 workshop of Filmcamp.
Conceive the idea , mess up with the team mates, script ,story board, shoot and edit in one day. It was an awakening experience. Now I feel it... I will make films. Short films to speak up my mind. An Indie film maker in the making...haha. If you want to waste some of your valuable time to watch the amateur product , here is the link.

Last Man Standing

However, I liked Chinmoy’s movie more ( Chinmoy is my cousin, obsessed film watcher and my partner in the film-analysis discussions over coffee).The link to his movie is here.

See you there

Barcamp 5 was cool. The design Fest was a good learning experience where my design was criticized left and right :( .Nice to see many known faces in Barcamp. Met couple of interesting minds and came across some nice thoughts in the IndieFilm Collective.Exercising my brain to come up with a script good enough to impress a seasoned guy I met in Barcamp ( Won’t disclose his name now...secret...hehe...he is my prospective producer)... Hope to start working on a project with him soon :)

Fighting hard to invert the graphs and to color alternate edges.Algo study is like a black hole : put more time to realize that so much effort was put only to play comfortably with jjjjust one data-structure....damn it!!!The experience is really worse when you see binary trees in your dreams.

Watched three good movies ( OSO not in this list plz...). Green Street Hooligans, Pulp Fiction & Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I should have watched them much earlier...but no regrets...I am always late ;)

I had something , but never realized how precious they were-Two full length guitar instructional vedios : one of Petrucci and the other of Eric Johnson.So my black Gb&A acoustic is getting more of my time and my fingers are happy to break the inertia....not bad I suppose...hmmmm

My friend Narup is getting married .We’ll remember the evening in on-d-roxx for the occasion...It was different from the other hundred daru parties...

All the best wishes Narup. Wish u a great life ahead!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Problem Solving Technique

The proven four step process of solving any problem-mental,physical,psychological,technical,mathematical...whatever

1. Decide the keywords of your problem.
2. Go to www.google.com, put the keywords in the text field and hit enter.
3. The page will come up with 100 experts trying to help you out.
4. Take help from them and solve it!!!!!

For the 10% of the problems that can't be resolved with this technique-aapko Khuda bachaye. And if you cannot solve it with the help of all the experts-again aapko Khuda bachaye.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I robbed me successfully

Remember reading somewhere the confession of a thief ," it is very difficult to rob a careless person because sometimes he even does not know what he has been robbed."

I robbed me and even I did not know of what.

Friday, September 28, 2007

When things start making sense

Doctor said,"It happens in life. People lose the nonsensical flair"

Until I am back to my nonsensical best again, the blog will remain in its current state.

See you again at the earliest.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Prevention better than cure

His mother asked my handsome guitarist friend, "What is your orkut id beta?"

His orkut account got deleted within 1 hour.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Dil Vil Pyar Vyar



When I pointed out the spelling error to the smartest auto-driver, he prompty replied, “No spelling error boss , my sweet heart is deprecated. Aajkaal asli pyar milta he kahaan hain ?"

Pal bhar ke liye koi pyaar kar le,jhootha he sahi ;)

[ photo courtesy : Yassar Bhaijaan's mobile ]

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A somewhat techno blog

Finally have decided to do something in this line. The blog is more about the latest innovations in Google , Yahoo ( I am a crazy fan of these two guys) , startups and the Open Source Community in the field of web development with my personal opinion of like and dislike.

Please drop in if you have some spare time. Of course there is almost no content at this point of time , hope to update it seriously in the coming weeks ;)

The url is

http://yahoole.wordpress.com/

Friday, August 24, 2007

Raksha Bandhan Special

That fat guy almost fainted.

Poor Raghu disappeared from the college for three days to avoid further humiliation.
And me ? Don’t ask yaar. It is still a nightmare...I disappeared at the speed of the sound when I could see the Archies product in her hand. Thank God, I had a powerful pair of eyes.

Aare....dil todne ka bhi to koi tareeka hona chahiye!!!

I strongly condemn this inhuman torture exercised by the fairer sex .

A very happy Raksha bandhan to all the AUTHENTIC bhaaiyas and behenas ;)

Monday, August 13, 2007

My childhood, my hometown

Like never before, when I have visited home this time after almost one and half years, the small and otherwise ignored objects have started disturbing me bringing back the old sweet fragrances of the golden childhood. My home, my small beautiful town, my old friends, my teachers ,the lake, the field, the pond, the hill ,the river...most of them have changed as I have...and some of them are lost forever... like my wonderful childhood.




This is the place where I have grown up, my sweet home. The garden is empty now because it is summer. But trust me, if you visit me in winter, you will be welcomed by the colors and aromas of dozens of beautiful flowers whose names are only known to my mom and sis. I bet, if you can walk by ignoring, you must be a devil ;)



Even in this summer, I could see this beauty eagerly waiting for me to ask about my girlfriends in Bangalore ;) ...how can’t I capture you dear!!!



This is the veranda of my home...the place I preferred to my study room. Reading in open air is fun, I hope you all will agree, particularly waiting to get interrupted by a beautiful face passing by the road ;)
(Mom could catch that soon and my veranda study came to an end…that is a different story altogether...will share that sometime later)








Just 200 meters away from my home is this field where we grew up playing cricket, football and running kites. Here nobody plays cricket today...this beautiful natural green playground of my childhood has been completely destroyed ...Some Sports Authority or political group had big plans about my playground...my heart cries when I see its plight today.






After long hours of play, when the guys started smelling like rotten egg out of sweat and mud, he brave ones would jump into the water . I could never do that and also never learnt swimming. By the way, what do you think about consuming two bottles of beer sitting beside this lake...he he...welcome to Tezpur




My favorite leisure time destination in school: The Cole’s park, a two minutes run from the classroom. The veranda you can see is of my school and the green is the park, a park with a small lake. Even this place has changed, we did not have to buy tickets to get in and the boats were not with pedals.



visit the park once here ;)











The evenings were always great. If we did not play , we would have gone for a ride in the bicycle. Evening roads in a small town are calm, refreshing, clean and rejuvenating.






Riding bicycle in my town is both fun ( when you ride down ) and pain ( when you push up ).
Have a look at the roads dear ;)





My personal favorite among the road side views was this small island in the middle of the lake just by the side of the main street. Won’t believe ?



But even this place has changed. There was a wooden bridge over the longer side which has been replaced by an iron bridge over the shorter side now. We knew that the island was one of the safest place for the love birds ;)





I can catch the river in atleast five different places , none of them is more than 5 kilometers from my home. In winter brown sand beaches are visible and we used to enjoy beach volleyball and running kite under the sun. Grab some food and run to the river ;) .Now the rivers are full of water and is the best time for the fishermen.






Every time I used to see the boats of the fishermen coming back in the evening ,I wished I were one of them.



Now this is the place I could die for. The hill. Not more than two kilometers from my home.
Used to drop our bicycles and would start running on these roads





The hill and the river...wont say anything!




















Certain things have not changed...like this small cigatette shop on the way down the hill...it was there even fifteen years back…only the owner has changed.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Income Tax

Had to sign a cheque of extra 11k for income tax due to my inability to understand tax mathematics and my stupid investment plans ( No investment at all in fact ).

One additional quality I am looking for in my gal now ...she should know income tax rules well ;)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The song story

Last Monday on Bhabiji’s b’day ,when I visited my "for two years happily married" bhaiiya , I found him listening to a Don William's track sitting on the sofa , stretching his legs onto the table , eyes closed and holding a smile in his lips.

"Where is Bhabi ? " – I asked
" He He ...the song is the story mere bhai .... This is the third time ...he he "Bhaiya found it pretty amusing.

The story goes like this :

5 pm: ( Bhabiji)
She packed up her suitcase and walked to the door
She said she won't come like she's done before

5.30 pm ( Bhaiiya)
I bet she's in Dallas (take it as Whitefield) before it gets dark
I know she's thinking she's breaking my heart
She knows I love her so she thinks I'll crawl
But she never knew me, she never knew me, she never knew me at all

7.30 pm ( Bhaiya to me )
She knows I love her, I know I need her
God knows to please her, I've tried and I've tried

Yesterday night when I called up bhaiya, he was cooking maggi ;)

( Courtesy : Don Williams...I simply love him)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

What to be done with saathe -2

Ask him if he listens to Thrash.If he says no, make him listen to Slayer for full 48 hours in 4800 Watt system.

What to be done with saathe -1

“Intellectual envy, frustrated ambition and the common person’s rage against mediocrity” – this is how the Hindu defines the theme of the play.

After watching the play I thought – Need to watch the David Dhavan movie next week;)

Monday, July 23, 2007

Greatest Inventor Ever !

I want to be the greatest inventor ever.

I am trying to make an instrument that will read the mind of a lady.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Life so far

After a long sleep of 27 years I got up today morning and realized that I had been searching for shoes to buy in a coffee shop.

No Talk

“Why did you chop your hair?” She asked
“Because I had that” I replied.

She has not spoken after that. She did not like,either the hair-cut or the reason.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Dalpati

Over the last couple of weeks I have been having my dinner in one of my friend's place who stays not more than 200 yards away from my house. The reasons behind this are:

a. He is an amazingly good cook (I call him a perfect husband material)
b. Does not emphasize on someone assisting him to prepare the dishes.
c. His girlfriend has gone home and the father of the lady is a dictating major…hence no disturbance over phone. And
d. This guy has a pair of bean bags which I consider 60 percent better than my bed for the support of the back to operate the remote.

So, need not to explain that I have to walk back to my home at around 2 o' clock every night. And that is where the problem lies...

I think that he is the DALPATI of the entire FAUJ...and even if I can cross a few of the coward one’s barking...this brave fellow will charge at me at the speed of light...until I demonstrate him a typical Jackie Chan stunt and finally end up looking at each other’s eyes from a distance of two feet with ample respect for courage of the other. Now I really don’t understand how to convince this guy that only thieves don’t walk on the roads at 2AM in Bangalore...there are hundreds of BPO employees and a few whose friends are good cooks.

Finding no other option out to make this fellow understand ( I am quite bad at learning new languages...and learning the dog’s one is near to impossible), last Friday I decided to take a little risk to walk down to this guy and offer the hands of friendship. Though I also had the idea of offering him half quarter from the bottle of the Blender’s Pride we were consuming, my friend warned me not to do that as the DALPATI might not really like the idea. So with four big pieces of Kebab, I went to the streetlight (wanted to ensure that he could identify my face properly in clear light and my fifty rupees did not go waste) and waited for the gang. In no time they appeared and offering a SRK smile to the DALPATI I placed the bag there and kept on walking towards my home. He looked at me, nodded his head and chased towards the bag. I hope that was not a bad sign.

In the last two days, we had our dinner outside….so did not have to walk down my friend’s gully. Today the result is going to be declared; at 2 AM sharp...Hope DALPATI has accepted my friendship. Amen!!!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Pattern and Anti-pattern: ways of life

Life follows a pattern, a pattern from the set of a few trialed and tested patterns. We go to school, then to the college, get a degree , grab a job , get married , have kids and.... This was the pattern that I could see around in the lives of my parents, uncles and my cousins growing up with me. Following a pattern makes life simpler and easier whereas anti- patterns are interesting but challenging and sometimes painful.

My first introduction to anti-pattern was in the 2nd standard when fascinated by the pattern of the stories from my colorful storybook I started my first essay on “The Cow” as “ Once upon a time there was a cow...”. The big red cross decorated with a large potato on the first page of my essay note book made me realize one very important thing in life - Everything should not start with once upon a time ....

“The people who exercise derivatives of anti patterns are interesting”. This was the next impression that I had when I had grown up to around twelve-the guys who occupied the last bench were interesting, guys with scars on their faces out of fights were more interesting and the guy who was called to the teachers' common room for punishment for sending love letter to the daughter of the class teacher was even more interesting. They were popular and had more admirers than the toppers of the class. They had more stories to tell about their heroics, their anti-pattern behavior.

Fascination for anti- pattern became more dominant and drawing a boundary of pattern I started the out of pattern experiments. Upbeat and RSJ s replaced the IIT-JEE guides, cricket matches replaced boring chemistry classes and mom’s evening horlicks were replaced by Wills Navy cut. Life became more interesting and the scorecards less impressive. Still there was a line of pattern drawn outside all these activities and I somehow managed to get into an engineering college. I was more than happy to get a laboratory for my experiments: The hostel. It started showing results and I started to struggle like a new Indian opening batsman in Australian pitches in the question papers where muggers were happily scoring 80% by just galloping the class notes from one end to the other. Finally got the ultimatum-father threatened to withdraw his unconditional support from the government that I had been running for the last about half a decade.
Back to the pattern: replaced the Neruda’s and the Mayakovosky’s with the big volumes of Control System and Power System books, supplanted Che Guevara’s wall poster by power electronics circuit diagrams and preparation for the viva and presentation superseded the discussion on the latest theatres. I became active in a pattern in no time…patterns are so easy to adapt.

Anti–pattern activities start to the take back seat with growing age making life simpler and less interesting . Lately I have observed that my life is leading towards a similar structure with a fear to play with the anti-patterns....may be due to the concern of losing the gained or for increasing responsibilities for the loved ones. I need to strike a balance somewhere...trying to discover a strategy to embed the lost charms of life....somehow need to get the tasty sandwich of life back -with anti -patterns inside patterns.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Love at first event

As you guys are aware of , love has been my subject of research since the age of three. But it took me a long time to realize this truth about the subject . This new theory states that "Love at first sight is only a subset of other several forms forms of love at first event" - five of them I have experienced in my life.

Type1--> Love at first rumor: I fell in love with all the 3 beauties my friends used to tease me with in my school days.... never noticed any one of them before that....my eyes searched for them every moment for next one month after the rumor reached my ears for the first time that the other party is interested ....unluckily though might be the reality was different :-((

Type2--> Love at first chat: Till today I have felt it thrice that I should have better asked for her contact number....a confectionery vocal over telephone ....who happens to be a customer care executive whom I talked to for the very first and last time....wow...how honeyed a voice can be!

Type3--> Love at first aroma: It happened to me twice. The stunner passed by me and disappeared.... I could not even see her face to remember....only the fragrance of some exotic perfume made me remember of her for months...hmmm....still recollect.

Type 4--> Love at first smile: I saw her not less than 50 times prior to the day she smiled at me and I was knocked out. She looked an absolute smasher with the sweetheart smile...I am vulnerable to that...

Type 5--> Love at first scrap: I was flattered and my heart was all praise for a beautiful lady with intelligence. Beauty with no nows never stimulates...it took her a scrap in orkut to exhibit her brightness. ( Kuch jyada to nahi ho gaya na )

This list excludes all the other possible types of (more interesting) love at first events which unfortunately I have not encountered in my life..eg. love at first kiss , love at first hug or love at first dance :)

[n.b. The type of love discussed here is strictly of the masala Bollywood movie type]

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

How to handle your parents

Many of my friends have a common problem; their parents don’t understand them. The parents don’t try to see a matter from their (my friends’) perspective. They try to use authority and if that does not work...they apply the dangerous weapon of emotional blackmailing. In the process the whole scenario goes from bad to worse.

My say is that the entire problem arises due to our ignorance and lack of tact.
The solution to this problem is very simple. Expectations arise from previous results. A mother won’t expect her child to bring 95% in the next exams if he failed in the last standard. The same strategy applies. Here are a few examples...after this life becomes smooth and sweet making everybody happy.



1. Find out what kind of a girl your parents dislike most. Now spread a rumor that reaches the ears of your parents that you are deeply in relation with that kind of a girl. After that your parents will be happy with any other girl you marry.

2. Use a friend to let your parents know that you have turned alcoholic. They will definitely call you. Let your parents know that you have already become dependent on the liquid and then promise that you will try your best to come out of that. Couple of months later let your parents know that you have ALMOST quit. After that your parents will be very happy to know that you seldom booze.


3. Ask for money from your parents even though you are earning. Say that your earning is too less for the required expenditures. Lots of suggestions will come from their side. After a couple of months let them know that you have cut your expenses and then you can send some money home. Your parents will be more than happy.

Words of wisdom : You can only make a difference to the entire situation. There is no limit of expectation,you need to set the limit.

May be God wants me to smoke

For the last several weeks I have been trying really hard to quit smoking. But today I have realized that even God wants me to continue smoking.

Reasons:
1. I prayed to God every morning to get me a girlfriend who would ask me to quit.
God has not responded. I feel the message is: “Keep on Smoking”.

2. I promised to God that I would quit it from the next week Shahrukh Khan quits. Shahrukh failed. Again the message is: “It’s not the time to quit”.


3. I asked God to make the Prime Minister of India to see a dream that if he did not ban cigarettes in the country, something bad would happen to him. I think God has not done that yet.


4. To avoid the bed till late night is extremely difficult without cigarettes. So I requested God to do something so that The World Cup Cricket gets postponed (As we did that in our semester exams). God did not show interest.

So, the message from God is pretty clear. Bhagwaan...at least pehla wala request to sun lo:-)

(Apologize to God for such a bad joke…but I know…he won’t be offended…he is my best friend)